Choir

Remember being in grade school and high school and singing in the school choir? Well, maybe not everyone was in choir - maybe the band, then?! Anyway, our little church choir is practicing 3 songs for Easter program. I haven't gone to the practice every single week because I'm just so wiped out by Friday evenings that I prefer sometimes to stay home and rest. But tonight I went and really enjoyed myself. I just love the songs that Ben picked out ... fairly simple ... wonderful tunes. I'm glad I went. Brings back memories of Dorothy Schafer directing the choir back in Grades 11 and 12 at FVAA. Wow - she whipped us into shape. We were so good in Gr. 11 especially as we had one very strong lead in each part. We did difficult songs too ... with Kraig at the piano, we couldn't go wrong. It was a great combination, the coming together of wonderful talent.

Busy week ... so glad it's the weekend. Look forward to getting mom & dad moved into their apartment. Can't wait, really! Then mom will have some peace again. I really hope it will be okay for her ... difficult to make a move like this at this age (76 and 86) but I really believe they will be happier in a smaller space with no stairs and a GORGEOUS view! We have a little bit more cleaning to do and replacing light fixtures, closet organizers and curtain rods and then it'll look great! Andrea & Clint are coming tomorrow which will be good for mom - it will help to keep her calm. She needs someone to unload to all the time. Sometime to hold her hand, really.

On another note - Spring is springing. It's cooler now than it was during the Olympics, but the trees are blooming and daffodils also. Grass is growing. In fact, we need to cut our lawn but it's been raining the last few days and so we just haven't gotten to it. Maybe this next week but when I look at the forecast I see nothing but clouds and showers.

Oh well!

We had a great time last Saturday night celebrating my good friend Shelley's 50th birthday - can't believe it will be my turn to do so next year. How did I get to be that old? I should be only 30. Silly! Shelley really is a great person and I enjoy her sense of humor and friendship! Love working with her too. Here she is at her desk - we made her wear a crown and hold a wand - she could make wishes come true ALL DAY LONG! And yes, she's holding a toilet paper roll doll that I created with the rolls that I've been saving for the past several months! And yes, I used duct tape to hold it together!

Calling it a day for now!

Assertiveness

When I get tired and feel mentally drained I'm not terribly good at being assertive - I'd rather suck it up and take it than make someone else feel bad and be upset with me.

Oh well!

I had to escape to the river today - forgot the dog's leash but that was okay. Tess loved it! She even tucked herself into some animal's den. We almost couldn't reach her little paw to pull her back out again - what was she thinking?! Instinct!

Lovely weather, spring is here, and the weekend - yay!

Spring already?

Work, work, work, work!

I think I've turned a corner in my mood swings caused by the tamoxifen. It feels as though my body has finally adjusted to the lack of estrogen flowing through it nowadays. Hot flashes are becoming less frequent the last few days. I'm more even keeled the last week than I have been in a very long time. I'm so glad! I'm starting to feel a little more like my old self again, and even better, really. Church was so awesome last Sabbath. We had communion. The place was packed with visitors and they all stayed by for the footwashing and emblems portion. It was such a spiritual experience. I have never had such a wonderful Communion service before. Tomorrow is potluck so I've fried up some patties (new recipe) and made a couple of cakes. I'll also still fry up some potatoes and cook up some veggies.

Not much else is new around here these days. Spring is nearly here. The first green leaves are beginning to emerge on the shrubs - hard to believe but winter has been so mild this year that I'm surprised the trees haven't started blooming yet. I suspect they will be in about 4 weeks - the first, earliest trees certainly will be. I see my rhubarb is also showing its red heads already and the 2 daffodils (yes, I have only TWO daffodils in my entire garden!) are already 5" tall.

And we're having the winter Olympics here in just 12 days?! Should be interesting to hear what the rest of the world thinks of our spring-like conditions!

It's been a LONG time since I put anything on this post. So an update is in order.

I went back to work on December 1. Didn't really want to go back EVER but I knew that if I waited until January it would be a real challenge to go straight into service records. And starting December 1 means I would get the 12-day Christmas break. So that's what I did. I broke down and cried the 2nd week in. The first few days were great, then the usual challenges of that particular workplace got to me and my boss called me on it. We chatted and I wept - I simply could not hold back the tears. "If the ground opened up and it consumed me, I would be perfectly happy with that" is what I said. And I meant it. Sad huh?

Well, I'm doing much better since then, thankfully. However, my emotions are still running wild. I have a lot of anxiety. I never felt anything like this while going through the surgeries and even the radiation treatments were not too hard on my emotions. But now, it seems to be catching up with me. The last few weeks have been really tough. Every night I need drugs to be calm enough to go to sleep and STAY asleep. Is this what my life will be like until I die? Being on drugs to function? I suppose that would simply put me into the same boat as millions of others right?!

Andrea and Clint came for Christmas which was just wonderful but sheesh, I am SO TIRED now! It will be nice to have a few days to myself at home, peace and quiet, no work, Ralph gone at work for a few hours, all day to clean and cook and do the things that I won't be able to do once I return to work next Monday.

Christmas was wonderful. A picture needs to go in here now!

Peter, Ralph, Me, Stephen, Tess

I feel rather large these days. My attempts to go vegan have not been fruitful! Next year I'm either making a vegetarian meal or I'm going to buy turkey dinner! Hah! I'm sick of cooking the whole meal - so much work! Andrea helped in the kitchen which was wonderful and Ralph washed up all the dishes afterward. So nice. I was wiped out by the time we were done.

Mom & Dad with his usual gift of aftershave!

Kristina and Andrea - such a photogenic pair!

 

Dec 24 Supper Buffet

I don't even have pictures of Christmas Day! How ridiculous! 

Last night we went to the movies and saw "Avatar". What a viewing experience that was in 3-D - so colourful, so incredible. The story was "eh" but a good one nevertheless. But wow, to see an entire movie in 3-D that is TRUE 3-D is simply an experience that everyone should have at least once in their lifetime. Peter tells me there are 3-D TV's out there but cost around $20,000. No demand yet and the technology probably isn't up to snuff just yet to be able to produce it for the general populace! But that certainly seems to be the way of the future: 3-D. Wow. 

That's about it for now. Must close my eyes and rest and it's only 11:15 a.m.!!! 

Experimenting

Okay, so now I'm getting bored of just being at home. Spent a week at Andrea's which was wonderful! Just what I needed. Now I've been off work 6 weeks and I'm so ready to go back. My skin healed up nicely and I'm adjusting to the tamoxifen. I get more headaches unfortunately! There are other side effects but it's all okay. It's what I have to do.

It feels like the dead of winter without the coldness, of course. But the storms have begun. Last night was a doozy of a storm - I heard this rumbling engine-type of sound in the vicinity of the airport South of here. I thought, what kind of engine is that? Sounds almost like a train but it's more like a plane but not really. About 2 minutes later this tremendous gust of wind went whipping through the yard rattling everything and it continued like that through the night with gusts up to 96 kmh registered at the airport. It was pretty wild. As a result the trees have been stripped of even more leaves.

Today was a good day. I felt good all day. Went for a long walk along the river with Tessie - there was minimal wind, no rain and no people either! Perfect for letting her walk off leash. She totally loved it.

To occupy myself I'm starting to compile high fibre, vegan (if possible) recipes in an attempt to eventually be 100% vegan. It's tough. I can't quite wrap my brain around baking without eggs or butter. In trying to reorganize a few things around here I finally went through my collection of cookbooks in the kitchen alone (there are many more scattered in boxes and on shelves throughout the house, I hate to admit!) One that I decided to keep is called "High Fiber Cooking". I picked that baby up somewhere along life's path for only 99 Cents. Nice full colour, glossy paper, hardcover book! Small, but full of wonderful recipes. So, I tried this one recipe for Date Orange Bread. Here's a pic:

This recipe is made without eggs - can you believe it? Which, of course, is why it didn't rise much even though it has baking powder in it. The recipe also called for sunflower seeds of which I had none so I substitutes with pumpkin seeds that I found in the freezer.

Slices nicely and I have to say doesn't taste too badly at all. All in an attempt to keep myself regular - which is something we all want, no?!

Another picture just to show the texture.

Besides, I'm a sucker for dates. I just love them so much.

Here's the recipe:

1/4 lb bran cereal (I used Bran Buds w. psyllium)
Measures out to about 1/3 cup.
2/3 cup dried chopped dates
1 1/4 cup orange juice
1 tbsp honey
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder

Grease & Line a 7 1/2 x 3 1/2 x 2 1/2 inch loaf pan.
Put the bran cereal, dates, orange juice and honey in a mixing bowl. Stir well and leave for 1 hour.
Add the sunflower seeds and flour, then sift in the baking powder and mix together thoroughly.
Turn into the prepared pan and bake in a 350 F. oven for 55-60 minutes, or until a skewer inserted into the center comes out clean.
Turn onto a rack to cool.

Freezes well.

Enjoy. EK

A week after treatments ended and my skin is worse than ever! Wow - I can't believe how much worse it got AFTER the end. Crispy about describes it best! Yep, like they said, leathery feel, you get the crust like a road rash, itchy, painful, skin peeling in spots and the rawness of the flesh underneath is so sore that wearing a bra is painful. It will heal, though. Lots of cream and tender care, bra-less days, it all helps. Oh, and not working either. So nice to have a little bit of time off. I'm nearly bored, though, I'm so used to working every day, it's such a big part of my life that I almost don't know what to do. There's lots to do, no doubt. Housework, cooking, cleaning, shopping (when there's money!). The energy level doesn't allow for too much of that though. I'm still feeling a little tired. Of course the soreness keeps me awake a little at night so I'm not getting the sleep I need. No worries, though. It will all get better in time.

I did some grocery shopping already today, stopped at House of James and lo-and-behold - they have a wonderful used book section which, of course (!!!) I had to check out - bought 4 titles for under $22.00. I felt it was a bargain. So yes, I have lots of reading to do. If only I could relax enough to absorb what it is that I'm reading.

Rain is on its way for tonight and the next 2 days. Nice. At least the trees are a beautiful colour so there's something lovely to look at through the rain.

My latest self-portrait - I'm bored, what can I say?! This was Thanksgiving dinner. It was so warm I wore a t-shirt.

Last Treatment!

Today was my last radiation treatment - can't believe it's been four weeks already. So happy that it's over at last and yet I will really miss going there every day because everyone there has been so wonderful - they're just the nicest people and so professional and friendly and caring and gentle. I really appreciated each one of them! I bought some chocolates and wrote a card for them. I cried a little when I was done - silly really because you don't really want to go back there and have to repeat the whole process. The reason for being there isn't a fun one! This treatment now brings my #'s down to 15% possibility of cancer returning to my left breast within the next 10 years. So ... bring on the tamoxifen - 5 years of this? And menopause symptoms such as "mood swings" and "hot flashes"?! Yikes! But that will reduce the % of possibility of return in the same breast to about 7%. It's worth it.

So I have a bit of broken skin now which is being treated with antibiotic cream. I have this beautiful perfect rectangle of tanned/burned skin! Amazing.

So that's that! My follow up appt with the oncologist is Nov 20th.

So it's a new day! A new break! And a beautiful fall season, quite frankly. To end for the day - this "depressing" entry - a beautiful picture of today's sunset.