Experimenting

Okay, so now I'm getting bored of just being at home. Spent a week at Andrea's which was wonderful! Just what I needed. Now I've been off work 6 weeks and I'm so ready to go back. My skin healed up nicely and I'm adjusting to the tamoxifen. I get more headaches unfortunately! There are other side effects but it's all okay. It's what I have to do.

It feels like the dead of winter without the coldness, of course. But the storms have begun. Last night was a doozy of a storm - I heard this rumbling engine-type of sound in the vicinity of the airport South of here. I thought, what kind of engine is that? Sounds almost like a train but it's more like a plane but not really. About 2 minutes later this tremendous gust of wind went whipping through the yard rattling everything and it continued like that through the night with gusts up to 96 kmh registered at the airport. It was pretty wild. As a result the trees have been stripped of even more leaves.

Today was a good day. I felt good all day. Went for a long walk along the river with Tessie - there was minimal wind, no rain and no people either! Perfect for letting her walk off leash. She totally loved it.

To occupy myself I'm starting to compile high fibre, vegan (if possible) recipes in an attempt to eventually be 100% vegan. It's tough. I can't quite wrap my brain around baking without eggs or butter. In trying to reorganize a few things around here I finally went through my collection of cookbooks in the kitchen alone (there are many more scattered in boxes and on shelves throughout the house, I hate to admit!) One that I decided to keep is called "High Fiber Cooking". I picked that baby up somewhere along life's path for only 99 Cents. Nice full colour, glossy paper, hardcover book! Small, but full of wonderful recipes. So, I tried this one recipe for Date Orange Bread. Here's a pic:

This recipe is made without eggs - can you believe it? Which, of course, is why it didn't rise much even though it has baking powder in it. The recipe also called for sunflower seeds of which I had none so I substitutes with pumpkin seeds that I found in the freezer.

Slices nicely and I have to say doesn't taste too badly at all. All in an attempt to keep myself regular - which is something we all want, no?!

Another picture just to show the texture.

Besides, I'm a sucker for dates. I just love them so much.

Here's the recipe:

1/4 lb bran cereal (I used Bran Buds w. psyllium)
Measures out to about 1/3 cup.
2/3 cup dried chopped dates
1 1/4 cup orange juice
1 tbsp honey
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder

Grease & Line a 7 1/2 x 3 1/2 x 2 1/2 inch loaf pan.
Put the bran cereal, dates, orange juice and honey in a mixing bowl. Stir well and leave for 1 hour.
Add the sunflower seeds and flour, then sift in the baking powder and mix together thoroughly.
Turn into the prepared pan and bake in a 350 F. oven for 55-60 minutes, or until a skewer inserted into the center comes out clean.
Turn onto a rack to cool.

Freezes well.

Enjoy. EK

A week after treatments ended and my skin is worse than ever! Wow - I can't believe how much worse it got AFTER the end. Crispy about describes it best! Yep, like they said, leathery feel, you get the crust like a road rash, itchy, painful, skin peeling in spots and the rawness of the flesh underneath is so sore that wearing a bra is painful. It will heal, though. Lots of cream and tender care, bra-less days, it all helps. Oh, and not working either. So nice to have a little bit of time off. I'm nearly bored, though, I'm so used to working every day, it's such a big part of my life that I almost don't know what to do. There's lots to do, no doubt. Housework, cooking, cleaning, shopping (when there's money!). The energy level doesn't allow for too much of that though. I'm still feeling a little tired. Of course the soreness keeps me awake a little at night so I'm not getting the sleep I need. No worries, though. It will all get better in time.

I did some grocery shopping already today, stopped at House of James and lo-and-behold - they have a wonderful used book section which, of course (!!!) I had to check out - bought 4 titles for under $22.00. I felt it was a bargain. So yes, I have lots of reading to do. If only I could relax enough to absorb what it is that I'm reading.

Rain is on its way for tonight and the next 2 days. Nice. At least the trees are a beautiful colour so there's something lovely to look at through the rain.

My latest self-portrait - I'm bored, what can I say?! This was Thanksgiving dinner. It was so warm I wore a t-shirt.

Last Treatment!

Today was my last radiation treatment - can't believe it's been four weeks already. So happy that it's over at last and yet I will really miss going there every day because everyone there has been so wonderful - they're just the nicest people and so professional and friendly and caring and gentle. I really appreciated each one of them! I bought some chocolates and wrote a card for them. I cried a little when I was done - silly really because you don't really want to go back there and have to repeat the whole process. The reason for being there isn't a fun one! This treatment now brings my #'s down to 15% possibility of cancer returning to my left breast within the next 10 years. So ... bring on the tamoxifen - 5 years of this? And menopause symptoms such as "mood swings" and "hot flashes"?! Yikes! But that will reduce the % of possibility of return in the same breast to about 7%. It's worth it.

So I have a bit of broken skin now which is being treated with antibiotic cream. I have this beautiful perfect rectangle of tanned/burned skin! Amazing.

So that's that! My follow up appt with the oncologist is Nov 20th.

So it's a new day! A new break! And a beautiful fall season, quite frankly. To end for the day - this "depressing" entry - a beautiful picture of today's sunset.

Fall?

Hmmm - doesn't seem like Fall at all - it's so beautiful. We had 30 Celsius a couple days this week - broke records for the Fraser Valley/Lower Mainland. Took the day off.

Well, that was a couple of days ago and I'm feeling MUCH BETTER for having done so. I needed a mental break from that crazy place called "work".

This is my favourite time of year to walk in the woods. Picture #1 Sunset at Willband. Note the crystal clear sky!
















Another favourite place to walk is along Fraser River.
















Heading back to work today. Not really looking forward to it, and yet I'm ready to head back to my coworkers - they make it worth my time there. I enjoy the work as well ... the statistics, the details, the people. That's what keeps me there. Well, that and the MONEY! And the BENEFITS. You can't put a price on that.

Learning how to deal with difficult people and to take my emotions out of difficult situations or challenging issues is a hard lesson to learn. I need time to put my newfound knowledge to practice!

"Suntanning"

Yep - suntanning is coming along nicely now. And I AM indeed beginning to develop a slightly tanned colour to my skin. 6 down 14 to go. Rather interesting to be left in a concrete-encased room by myself while the techs run out to "protect" themselves because it's not "safe" for them in the room! Of course, they do this all day long so they do need to protect themselves. For me, as the patient, it's just the right amount of radiation to kill of any undetected cancer cells along with all my healthy ones which will regenerate themselves but the cancer cells can't.

I'll be happy when it's over. Then on to the hormone therapy which is another hurdle in my mind!

I am starting to feel really tired. Today it hit me rather hard, like a wall. But it's fine. I'll get over it. Plan is to do the board meeting on Sunday, then work the week, then take the rest of my vacation, sick time and on to short-term disability until the new year. That's what I'd like to do. I hope I can work it out with my employer.

I'm exhausted. But happy it's the weekend.

Harvest & Radiation Treatments

First, a pic of my beautiful 7 cm across vine-ripened tomatoes which grew from a SEED in the COMPOST which I put on the front flower bed. I saw the little seedling growing and thought, "Ah, why not let it grow and see if it manages to produce even one tomato?" And here we have already eaten 3 large ones, gives one to mom & dad and there are 6 more large ones hanging here - it's just a joy to see them there - and there are a couple more very large and gangly tomato plants in the same flower bed which are producing these little 1" wonders, sweet and yummy and just perfect for snacking when watering the garden!



Then I decided to go around the side of the house and see how my beans are doing. I need to pick them but am so tired that I just don't have the energy to do so.



And then there are my precious quince:



They need to ripen just a tad more - until they are uniformly yellow - then they're ready. And we've been having such wonderfully warm weather that both the tomatoes and the quince are just LOVING it! And the beans too.

The rest of the "garden" is not picture-worthy. We're working on that back fence/retaining wall/flower bed thing that we've dreamed up to provide us just a little bit more privacy from our nosy neighbours! It's a work in progress. Ralph is taking 3 days off work (last vacation days for the year) during which he'll work on the bricks. Then we'll have to find someone to bring in topsoil and the trees. We want to put cedar hedging in there but I don't want the puny little trees, we'll pay a good penny for the more mature trees so that we have an instant privacy fence. A living, green-year-round wall! Yay! I can hardly wait. Should have done this right from the beginning. Oh well ... live and learn.

And so, on to the treatment phase of my breast cancer. I'm still working full-time which is starting to wear me out and I really, really don't want to be working at all. But that's not reasonable! Today I just got so tired. Partly because of some family-related stressful issues which have since been resolved. And partly just from the stress of the treatments, knowing what's happening in my body. Wondering if this is working. Thinking about how I'll feel once I start on the Tamoxifen and not really wanting to do that either! Is it worth taking the pills for 5 years to give myself another 7.5% reduction in chance of recurrence, bringing it to about 7.5% that it will come back in the same breast or the other breast? Well, I suppose it is when you look at the long-range picture.

I STILL DON'T LIKE IT THOUGH!!!! ARGH!

One more week of heavy-duty work, board meeting next Sunday, then a couple more days of work after that to "clean up". Then I'm thinking of taking a few weeks off on sick leave. I just don't know how I'm going to feel, you know? How will I feel in 2 weeks after daily radiation? They say most patients begin to feel fatigue to some degree. Why should I slog my way through work if I don't have to? I just ask myself these questions and don't have an answer yet.

That being said, the process of the radiation treatments is quite fascinating. I actually enjoy going there - brand-new hospital, brand-new best-there-is equipment throughout. The tech told me Friday that most of the workers there are young and energetic and wanted to be there because of the new equipment and wanted to learn how to operate it all. It's nice to know that they're working with the best technology there is! I must say it's rather weird to be lying there in this concrete-walled room (you don't see the concrete of course, but nevertheless you know you're in a "safe" environment; "safe" for everyone else but me!!!) and that radiation warning light, you know the symbol comes on and you just KNOW that you're being zapped at that moment and wonder if you're being fried from the inside out or what!!!!

Anyway, I'll be fine as time goes by. It's all a learning experience for me. At least I have a schedule for the week ahead so that I know when my sessions will be and can plan my life around them.

Treatment Plan

First, a picture of my freshly coloured "big" hair from a week ago! Hilarious! It was a beautiful sunny and hot afternoon and I enjoyed my time outdoors. Not so the last few days - it's been cool and tonight it should RAIN and only reach something like 13 Celsius tomorrow - crazy! Back to sun and warmth for the weekend, though so that's a good thing!

I'm so happy - I DO NOT need to do chemotherapy! Such a relief. I can handle the radiation and the oncologist is recommending 5 years on Tamoxifen so I'll do that as well. I start daily radiation treatments on Thursday this week and continue to October 7th. EVERY DAY - wow. I went through the planning session already, had the CT scan done and have my little mould for my upper body and my 3 little tattoos for the radiation therapy. I bought the proper skin cream and deodorant and the cotton bra which I hate because it's not underwire! Ah, the "challenge" of radiation therapy - should be "fun" in a way. I look forward to seeing the same people each time I go in, or at least some of the same people.

That's been the one great thing of this experience - the fact that I've met some of the nicest people. Everyone's been wonderful and just so helpful and kind and caring. No one has ever said, "it's not that bad" or "stop complaining" (not that I've been complaining!) but you know, no one has ever said that it could be worse and I'm "lucky". "Fortunate" has been thrown around a litle, but not in the way that I'm silly for feeling any emotion at all!

So, the next step is just ahead in a matter of 2 days and I look forward to getting that under way. I had to get 3 stitches put in 2 weeks ago because the wound just was NOT healing. It has now, though so I'm a happy camper! I just need a lot of vitamin E to get it to heal up really nicely. We will see!!!!

Not much else to report at the moment. Life goes on and things are good.